Thoughts on Being a Parent

I read my post from March 2014 and just had to laugh. While my intentions to update my blog have been there several times, taking the time to actually do it has not been a high priority.

That being said, there's a lot going on in the world lately and I've been thinking about all of it. Some of the things that have been happening are hard enough to wrap my head around as an adult so I know it must be difficult for my kids as well, right? While we do not actively watch the nightly news in our house, we are a NPR radio family and the events that are reported there get heard by both of my boys. 

My youngest is 4 (going on 5) and does not have a strong grasp of things that happen outside his world. This does not mean that he is completely oblivious to things that happen but they do not have the same effect on him. He knows that he has family that live outside the state, that Disney has parks in both California and Florida, Transformers come from Cybertron, and the list goes on and on. He does not necessarily have a grasp on the concept that there are people out there who are not going to look out for him or protect him, that he is not actually old enough (must less tall enough) to be able to do all the things he wants to do by himself. All of these things are okay, because he's four.

My eldest is 10 and he hears, processes, and understands a lot more than I probably give him credit for every day. He observes, questions, and explains things that I do not recall paying attention to at his age. He has a love of history and reading which I thoroughly encourage (and sometimes over explain). He processes things differently than I do which I am still trying to fully understand and integrate into my own discussions with him. He is a thoughtful child who observes and internalizes a lot.

All of the above preamble is merely to say that when we were driving around last Sunday with news being reported from Orlando regarding the night club shooting, at a certain point in the day I realized that everything I had heard, my eldest had as well. So, while my youngest fell asleep in the car, we began to talk to him about some of the events going on in the world. 

I began by asking him if he understood what had happened and if he had any questions. He had a good grasp on the facts that we knew at the time and could clearly articulate those facts. I then asked him if he felt scared by what he was hearing, and he said that he was not because it had not happened here where we live. When my husband and I asked him if he had any questions about what was going on the only question he had was why someone would do such a thing. 

It's a good question and one that people have been discussing and trying to find answers to all week. Whether we end up with a finite answer or not, I answered his question the best that I could. Sometimes there are people in the world who are not looking to do good and are looking to cause harm. We may not always understand the reasoning behind their actions but often their base motivation is that they are hurting and they feel the best way to make their hurt go away is to hurt other people.

I am not saying that I answered his question the right way or provided the best answer, but I provided the best answer that I could at that moment. I feel like that's a lot of what parenting is, doing your best moment to moment. There are issues that we discuss in our house now that I never dreamed I would need to discuss with my kids at their ages.

As I said previously, my eldest is 10. He is lucky enough to spend part of his summer with each set of grandparents. When he learned that there was a girl his age in the same neighborhood as one of his grandparents his first reaction was to say "When I meet her I'm going to give her a kiss". Aww, that sounds so sweet, right? That prompted a discussion (very brief but one that will be revisited) on how that is not the appropriate reaction to first meeting someone--anyone, boy or girl. It showcased to us that regardless of whether our son actually feels that is the appropriate response to first meeting someone, it was his initial reaction when discussing it with us. That needs to be discussed, especially in light of cases like Stanford.

Parenting is no joke. It's a hard job. It's a rewarding job. But it's also a job that has a TON of responsibility behind it. While these are things that I vaguely understood when I became a parent, they are things that I learn over and over again. Some aspects of parenting come easier than others. Some are more pleasant than others. But they are all important. 

I am not saying that I am a model parent, not by any means. I make many mistakes and don't always do what is right or best. But I'm trying to do the best the I can, and I think at the end of the day that's all we as parents can really ask of each other and ourselves.